‘My friend became a predator’

“Never in my wildest dreams did I think this man would harm me.”

But *Tulipomwene Haifene’s friend, *Haindula Iyambo, has shattered her life and made her a statistic.

She remembers him making inappropriate remarks over the years, but she continuously brushed them off.

“If I could catch you one day . . .” Iyambo would say.

Haifene says what was supposed to be a chill day became a night she hardly remembers due to her drink being spiked one Sunday.

Iyambo invited her to his house on that day, she says, which she accepted since she doesn’t go out much.

“Iyambo picked me up around 10:42 from my place. Upon his arrival he told me we were heading to the farm, and I was shocked as he did not mention this to me before, but because I could use some conversation with a friend I agreed,” Haifene says.

“The farm has about five gates and there is a distance between each gate. It has quite a lot of mini-lodges. Upon arrival he took me around for a tour, which included all the areas around the farm as well as his room,” she says.

Due to the long distance they travelled they sat down for a bite to eat.

“While the food was being prepared I had one glass of champagne, which I did not like, so I asked for water, but the other ladies we drove with continued drinking the champagne,” Haifene says.

They eventually remained at the farm and had another bottle of champagne, she says.

Due to the noise the people made Haifene asked Iyambo if they could move to the dining hall.

“Before we could sit in the dining hall I went to the bathroom and left my glass and the bottle with Iyambo,” she says.
Upon her return, she poured herself another glass of champagne.

Then she started feeling numb.

“My legs felt numb, my heartbeat was slow, and I decided to walk to the bedroom, because I felt something was wrong.

“Upon arrival in the bedroom, I fell. This was not the first time I had four glasses of champagne,” Haifene says.

A few minutes later Iyambo came out of nowhere asking her if she was okay, she says.

“He helped me get on the bed, and I passed out, which is very uncommon for me – regardless of how drunk I am,” she says.
Haifene says she could not remember anything the next morning, but it came back to her eventually.

“In the middle of the night I remember being so numb that I could not move my legs and hands. I remember something entering me . . . It was so dark that I could not identify a face, but I woke up next to him,” she says.

When Haifene woke up she was naked, with Iyambo lying next to her fully dressed.

She says she shared her experience with a friend who knows Iyambo.

She was told Iyambo has done this to several other women.

“I was and still am shattered by what has happened to me. How could someone I had considered a friend do this to me?” Haifene asks.

She says what hurts the most is that Iyambo has done this to several other women who are afraid to speak out.

“Will justice ever prevail? How many of us exist out here picking up the pieces and questioning whether we deserved it and wondering whether it was our fault for ignoring various remarks?”

On that Sunday Haifene says she asked Iyambo to drive her back home.

He kept delaying this, waiting for her system to clear, she believes.

“So there was no proof left in me. It’s quite unfortunate that I could only put the puzzle together a few days later, because on the day after everything happened I was confused and lost,” she says.

Haifene says she now takes antidepressants, and post-exposure prophylaxis (PEP) to protect herself agaianst HIV-AIDS.

“Rape victims cannot learn lessons from being raped, but what I can say is: Do not ever let your guard down, no matter how friendly they are towards you.

“The red flags have been there, but I brushed them off. Do not be me and become a statistic. Take them very seriously,” she says.

Has this ever happened to you and would you like to tell your story? Feel free to reach out to us at [email protected]
One Economy Foundation gender and child protection specialist Veronica Theron says a lack of positive role models, negative cultural and gender norms, as well as patriarchy and socialisation are some of the causes of the abuse of women.

“Furthermore, dual and split personalities, and low self-esteem of the abuser could also contribute,” she says.
*Not their real names.