Brrr . . . We are at a crossroads as winter is bidding us farewell and summer approaches.
No, I did not forget about spring – that useless season just doesn’t matter enough.
Let’s focus on seasons that actually happen in Namibia.
The winter chill has got us all questioning our life choices. European immigrants are considering a return to their homeland, to seek the warmth of grandma’s love and endless cups of hot cocoa.
Those who once dreamt of escaping to Europe for cooler temperatures are now embracing the icy winds, realising they can save on airfare and just invest in a good winter jacket.
The south has turned into the icy heart of Antarctica, where tears freeze mid-air, forming a bizarre ice sculpture on people’s cheeks.
Even pee takes on a life of its own, freezing in mid-arc, right there where Oom Piet stood bravely against the arctic winds last night.
It’s so cold that animals and humans are huddling together around the fire lit in the centre of the rural house.
Donkeys and goats are bunking with families, discussing survival strategies.
You know it’s serious when species are coming together for warmth – well, except the dog, which is refusing to enter after seeing a human close to a fire.
This winter has forced farmers to take inspiration from the fashion world and create the latest trend: the cow udder jersey.
It’s the must-have accessory for every cow if you want to ensure the constant flow of milk every morning.
After all, why should cows wait for warmer weather in September when they can be milked in style all year round?
Humans, as resourceful as ever, have found a solution for their shivering bodies – chattering teeth!
Who needs an electric blanket or those ‘Hita Mbarara’ blankets when you have a built-in warming system?
It’s like having your own personal heating radiator with the fast noise of chattering teeth like the sound of an Isuzu diesel bakkie.
Plus, it’s a great conversation starter – literally!
In the midst of this frozen chaos, a taxi driver at Henties Bay had a heated moment when a passenger paid with scorching hot coins.
He turned around and enquired where the coins were kept in such heat.
Perhaps the coins were kept in a secret pocket near a volcanic crater?
Either way, the driver was left bewildered, wondering if he should be worried about spontaneous combustion with this commuter.
As for the criminals, they seem to have put their thievery on hold – not out of respect but for the cold, mind you.
We await the crime report for the past months so see if the police will claim victory for that, considering that they too refused to leave the stations due to the cold.
The audacity.
But wait, there’s more! It seems that August is jumping queues to get to the front.
We are already experiencing the infamous gusts that make everything onsmaaklik – a word that probably requires a scientific expedition to the coldest corners of the earth to fully understand its meaning.
Namibians are ultimately displaying their tenacity in the face of winter’s harshness.
We’re making ice jokes out of our icy tears and coming up with innovative ways to stay warm, instead of whining about the weather.
Since we have a winter wonderland here in our own backyard, who needs Europe?
The world may think we’re just a desert nation; little do they know that Namibians are also the ultimate cold conquerors.
Armed with cow udder jerseys, chattering teeth and a sense of humor as sharp as ice, we embraced the cold and showed it who’s boss.
So, with this and by the powers vested in me by Hagelolo himself, I declare winter over.
Welcome December, welcome!
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